Tuesday, February 23, 2010

My give a damn is back!

The last few days have sucked. Plain and simple. Suckage - and I have no idea why.

For the most part, Ive been on track food wise. I've stayed within my calorie ranges and have logged everything. However, on the workout end - its been horrible. I just have not had the oomph to get up and do it. The last time I worked out was Sunday **and that was just a quick walk to DG, less than a mile there and back** before that was Thursday, before THAT was the Sunday before. And our bottled water is out. The tap water tastes like caca, so I haven't been drinking much water either. I still haven't had any soda or tea - just nothing.
Ive been completely in a fog, exhausted and in a seriously sh*tty mood. For days. Several days.

Inside, I was telling myself to get up and do it - "You're sucking! Get your lazy ass off of the couch and get on that treadmill or turn on that Wii, you know you'll feel better if you do." But, I just couldn't. I was exhausted. I wasn't working out, blogging, doing house work - or even trying to do any of it.

I thought I would write a post on it - My Give a Damn is Busted, I would call it. I was pooped and just felt like crap. I really thought it was all pointless. All the work and sacrifice to feel like doo doo on a stick? That seems real fair, now doesn't it?

Then last night, while reading Master Your Metabolism by Jillian Micheal's - an Aha! moment. Because I wasn't working out, I didn't have the endorphins to keep me on the energy "high" we all love. And because I eat such a low amount of calories a day (roughly 1350) my metabolism has hit the deck!
It also doesn't help that the weather here has been so wishy washy. I love spring. I love to be able to open the windows, turn the music up and dance my way to a clean house. I had two days of that - now my back yard is covered in snow. Don't get me wrong, I love snow. But goodness gracious, Mother Nature, this is not Anchorage. I'm sure my mom would appreciate all this - but not me. Next Christmas would be great, thanks.
To make matters worse, we have exactly 16 days 22 hours and 35 minutes, until we leave for our vacation. It's close enough to start getting excited but not close enough to really start packing. We're in a "Count down till Mickey Mouse" rut.

When I got up this morning and started checking blogs, I found this- Down But Not Out. Keelie hit the nail on the head with this post. I too have read several bloggers writing that they were in a "funk". Or as Keelie says, "I am starting to lose the fire I began with."
For me, its not that the workouts are harder - I'm getting bored. I have a treadmill and a Wii. The games I have are great but its the same thing day after day. Unfortunately, I just can not afford a gym membership right now.
I know the pounds are coming off, but no one notices. No one, not one person has said anything to make me think they notice. The only time someone has talked about my weight loss, is if I bring it up. I've even purposely worn clothes, like shorts and a tank top ** remember, its SNOWING?** around people I haven't seen in a while, hoping they would say something positive so I could get the little confidence boost I need. Nope. Nada. Nuttin honey.

BUT - like Keelie said, "This is the crossroads we all come to and we have to make a choice. This time I say we make a different choice. We have to." I totally couldn't agree more. I know I've lost the weight. I know my clothes fit better. I know I have more energy now than I used to, to play with my kids. I know I'm doing this for me.

So, if you don't mind, I have a treadmill to get on and goals to reach......

4 comments:

Keelie said...

Wow! I've never been quoted before;)

I like this title much better!!!

Kerri & Katie said...

Such a cute ending! Post some pictures-we'd love to tell you how beautiful you are!!
-Katie

Kerri & Katie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Minnesota Mami said...

Okay, here I am commenting again...(and gonna add you to my blog roll!). Could so relate to this post. Honestly I think the month of February has something to do with all the 'funks'. In psychology I learned that the highest rate of of depression diagnoses, suicide attempts, etc. happen in February...lots of theories why...short month, proximity to the holidays, tail end of winter after several months of shortened hours of light, etc...and though not working out is not quite as intense as the above, I think there is something to the relation between the month of February and the increase of exercise 'funks'. I went through my own the last couple weeks and just feel 'back on the wagon' this week. Like you, I'd been working out to DVD's and Wii exercise programs. I also cannot afford a gym membership right now, and I'm in the still frozen tundra of Minnesota, so exercising outside is limited. But we ARE doing this...despite the 'funks'!

Holly @ Making Over Me
http://makingoverme.blogspot.com