Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Here I sit......part 1.

Wow, its been a while. Time sure flies when you're having, well umm.... I wouldn't really call it fun.

Let's see, where did I leave everyone hanging? Oh, training for the 3 Day and my first good size gain - that was my last real post in May. Gosh, SO much has happened since then.

To make a long story short, the end of 2010 was totally a year to remember but not for good reasons. I will touch quickly on the events, though each could easily take an entire blog post.

It got to the point where maintaining a house hold of nine (remember, my brother in law and kids were living with us) on one income was not feasible any longer and we became a statistic. Our house went into foreclosure in July and we moved in August. In the mean time, my brother in law gained custody of his kids, moved out on his own and got married. We were so happy and proud for him.

Shortly after moving into our new house, Mistee was let go from her job. She had been with the company for almost seven years and planned on retiring with the company.

September was the month of Doodle's second birthday. Through weeks of planning and discussions with his parents, it was decided he would go home after his second birthday. We had the baby and cared for him solely from the time he was 5 months old. It was a very very hard decision to make, though we felt it was the best decision for all involved. His parents came down from Va and we celebrated his birthday with his many friends and family. We then packed him up into their car and sent him on to his next journey.

The next couple of weeks were full of walking and training for the 3 Day walk, along with trying to find some type of normalcy in a new house with out Doodle.

On October 28th, I received the phone call that will forever change my life. My aunt, whom I had lost contact with, was calling to tell me that my mother had passed away early that morning. A couple of weeks prior, she had fallen and broke her ankle. She needed several screws to repair the damage. The day after having her cast removed, she became ill and passed the next morning. A blood clot had released from her leg which traveled to her lung, causing a pulmonary embolism. My mother and I had a rocky relationship for many years. However, we were both relieved that it was improving and were both excited for what the future would bring. October 28th was also my fathers birthday, who passed when I was young. It also was the day that one of my dearest friends had her first baby.

The very next day we found out that Mistee's father was ill. On November 2nd he became critical and Mistee left for Oklahoma. November 2 was also the day my mother was memorialized. November 2nd is also my birthday.

I was in the middle of a very large mental crunch regarding the 3 Day walk. I spent several months training physically and raising the needed funds. However, participating in the walk would prevent me from attending my mom's memorial. For many reasons, including financial and to honor my mother, I did the walk.

The 3 Day walk was AMAZING! Though honestly, I was mentally not there for most of the time. I physically was not able to complete the full 60 miles though I did do 48 of them. On the last day, November 7th, I had exactly 5 miles left to finish the weekend and Mistee called. Her father passed away just a few minutes prior. That led to a whole other level of emotions. Sadness that Skip passed, guilt for not being there to support Mistee and anger that all of these situations were happening to us all with in weeks of each other. I finished the walk with no one to cheer me on and with no one at the finish line or closing ceremonies. I know its not the fault of anyone involved. However, it was the best physical accomplishment of my life and also one of the saddest moments because no one was there to share it with me.

The next weekend, the boys and I packed up and headed to Oklahoma for Skip's memorial. When we returned home, we found that someone had broken into our house. The only thing that was missing was the boys' "Mickey Bucket", the change jar they save money in for our next Disney vacation. While I'm grateful they did not take more, I wish they had not taken something that belonged to my children.

Needless to say, these "issues" among others - refrigerator going out, unemployment issues, etc did more than set back my weight loss efforts. Nutrition and staying active all went to the way side. Honestly, on more than one occasion my boys had cereal or pop tarts for dinner. I just didn't have the mental capacity to do much more.

The scale this morning said 228.3 exactly 25 pounds higher than my lowest weight this year.

Am I disappointed in this? Yes. However, do I blame or judge myself for the weight gain? Uh, no. I'm actually pretty surprised that I didn't have more of an overall gain. I am still 32 pounds lighter than my highest weight.


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